“A happy childhood is one of the best gifts that parents have in their power to bestow.”–Mary Cholmondeley (English novelist)
Ever wondered why glancing at a bunch of neighbourhood kids playing nonchalantly
embellishes our faces with warm smiles? Or why the sight of children clocking in hard labour hours instead of living a playful childhood crushes our hearts?
Incidents like these inevitably rekindle our own childhood memories- both sweet and sour. And having lived those days, we realise how significantly the incidents of nonage contribute to shaping us going forward. Our families, particularly the members who moulded our values, beliefs, actions and habits either actively (by professing) or passively (through their own actions) have a remarkable influence on our building blocks. And in most cases, these members (of the families) are parents.
Given the crucial role parents play in a child’s life, here are a few things they might find
worth pondering…
As a parent, don’t operate on extremes, i.e. always being authoritative or always succumbing to kids’ wishes won’t work. You need to don different hats- friend, guide, mentor, critic, etc. as situations demand to create the environment most conducive to the child’s growth and learning. You need to allow them to make mistakes (because after all, you made your share of mistakes while growing up and continue to do so even today). Instead of penalising blindly, explain how they can learn from mistakes by quoting your own examples, highlighting the alternative ways out and encouraging them to improve. Kids would be better off picturing their parents as human beings who make mistakes and learn from them rather than imagining them as infallible super heroes.
Don’t hesitate to be honest with your kids as transparency builds greater trust. Let the kids fearlessly fly as high as they want by providing them with a safety net. Childhood is the best time for exploration and discoveries. Don’t deprive them of this freedom in the pretext of protecting them from derailment. Instead, step up and handhold them to the right direction if ever, they take a step off-track.
Provide a comfortable environment to your kids where they can openly share their fears and discomforts without feeling ashamed, judged or misunderstood. It’s unfair to have unreasonable expectations from kids (do kids have unreasonable expectations from you?).Instead of showcasing a fake perfect world to them, paint a real imperfect picture as it will help them harmonize with their own imperfections and enable them to give their best free from unfounded fears.
Be the biggest fans of your children. Celebrate their little achievements and keep reminding them that incessant efforts don’t go in vain. All small things balloon up to be huge one day. Whenever they’re in trouble, give them so much strength that they rise way above the problem once and for all- be it their incompetence at a subject/ sport/ anything of importance to them or their differences with other people. Make your availability and approachability known to them.
Feel blessed to provide them with all the comforts you can. One day (even before you
realise), they’ll grow up and there won’t be much you would be able to do for them. So, eye these days of their childhood and their little desires as opportunities to shower all your love on to them. Don’t fear that too many luxuries will spoil them, instead make them believe that they deserve these luxuries and motivate and help them to build a life for themselves that’s not bereft of magnificence.
Don’t make them feel dependent or obliged for anything that you do for them. Instead, make them believe that they deserve all that love. Knowing that their parents love them can make kids achieve wonderful things in life as a token of gratefulness for parents. And if you’re unsure of the kind of decisions kids will make despite all the love and positive motivation, there’s a way out. Give them enough exposure, knowledge and experiential learning as well as illustrate how to make good decisions basis all that knowledge. For example, make them meet your friends from different professions so they understand what they want (or don’t want) to become as they grow up. It’ll prepare for them more important decisions later in life, thereby paying off much better than forcibly making decisions for them would.
Parting thought- Respect their space, choices and a right to free life. Don’t be too attached to them to start owning their lives. Set good examples for them by giving up your bad habits and giving them the most loving, caring, understanding and adorable parents they deserve.
: Soumya Kushwaha
Associate @ McKinsey & Co
SRCC 2018 batch, IIM Ahmedabad 2020 batch
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